It really, really is. And it is a fact a lot of people don’t want to accept or admit. Sometimes we just aren’t okay, and there’s no logical explanation as to why. Recently I have started the #100happydays challenge on Instagram on my quest to have a more positive mind set. Only thing is, it is not as easy as it looks. Sometimes we experience lows of emotion that we simply cannot understand or reason with. On paper everything seems perfect, and an outsider would turn around and say ‘What do you have to complain about? Look how much you have.’ And yet there come periods in our life when we experience lows, lulls, downs, sadness, whatever you want to call it. The trick is realising THIS IS NORMAL.
We can only write from experience, so let me give you my own: I am currently on an artists’ retreat in the South of France. I quit my job before I arrived here with the sole purpose of pursuing a career creating, writing and producing things that will do some good in the world. I have an absolutely AMAZING family and I have friends that I thank the universe for every single morning and night. I walk out of the door and within minutes I am in forests, climbing mountains, filling up bottles of fresh water from the local source, breathing in the cleanest air and eating the best food. I am lucky enough to share this experience with some incredible and inspiring people who have taught me more than I could have imagined.
And yet I feel like shit. I have no drive to write, move, or even have a shower (let’s get personal real fast shall we?) It’s taking every effort for me to not just close this down, pump up the music really loud, and well and truly check out. Now that doesn’t really make sense, right? On paper. But of course, that’s not life. Life isn’t linear and never will it make sense. And that’s what makes it beautiful. But why is this happening? I know that many people will relate to this, and I know others will understand my frustration. There is definitely a cyclical thing going on right now; my emotions have a tendency to go up and down like a rabbit on crack and there are times when I just want to get a shovel, whack it on the head, and tell it to ‘Sit down and stay still!’
I can’t yet give the explanation for why we go through these ups and downs although I am sure an individual much smarter than I would be able to clear up this mystery quick time. What I can say however, is what I have learnt from my own experiences. I understand that my mind and my body is trying to tell me something, is trying to point to an imbalance within me that I need to address. Rather than try to rise over it or ignore it or fight it, I am learning that actually, we need to stop, and listen, and just move with it. Have a conversation with yourself and allow the thoughts to rise to the surface, write them down and give each one the attention it needs. The voice in your head that you have duct-taped shut needs to be set free.
In a very practical sense, I have found writing out a whole conversation with myself in a word document is an amazing thing to do. It is pure madness on the page, and not a single soul will read it except my own, but that is the only soul that needs to (and perhaps a spotty, 17 year old computer hacker who perhaps needs a little scare). Whilst I type these chats, I make realisations I simply had not known or thought about because I gave them the space to rise up and be heard. I can’t recommend this process enough We may not like what we find, and trust me, some of these conversations have led me to look at myself in the mirror and think ‘Holy fudging fuck!’ But by truly understanding ourselves we can really start to discover what needs to change and what needs to be praised, so we can feel confident in who we are.
So: allow yourself the downs as well as the ups, and recognise that they are just as important in your life. It’s alright to think, ‘No I’m not okay’. And it’s alright to ask for help when you need it, because if you don’t, the only person that’s going to be left wading through the mud without a paddle is you. And the worst part is there’s quicksand a few steps ahead that’s rubbing its hands in sandy glee at the prospect of swallowing you up. Recognising your emotions and asking for help is not weak, accepting that you are not fine does not mean you stop, stand still, and give up. All you are doing is taking a moment to gear yourself up, flex your muscles, and boot the quicksand monster up the arse and into oblivion. After that you can take your bow, and just keep moving forward.
Until next time.